Five years later...

My high school senior picture

I recently realized that it has been five years since I graduated high school! Wow! That anniversary kind of crept up on me.

As that thought hit me, I paused to remember what my life was like five years ago as a starry-eyed high school grad full of big hopes and dreams. Those thoughts inevitably led me to look back over the journey that has led me to where I am now.

And you know what I found? Pretty much nothing about my life now is the way I would have imagined it would be like then. But believe it or not, I'm totally OK with that. Yes, me--Miss I-Want-to-Have-All-My-Ducks-in-a-Row-and-Plan-Everything-Out. And that is all thanks to the grace of God--certainly not courtesy of my own ability to "let go and let God!" It is by his power alone that I have learned to be content with not knowing what the future holds and happy to live my life in the present.

If there's one thing I've learned with certainty over the past five years, it is that God is good and he is faithful. Even when his plans are very different from mine. I still have big hopes and dreams, but some of them simply look a little different now.

As I graduated high school, if you had asked me what I thought my life would be like in five years, I'm not really sure what I would have told you. Probably something general like, "I will have graduated college and be working full-time in my field." That much has happened. It's probably about the only thing that has, but it's taken place in a different way than what I would have imagined.

As a newly 18-year-old high school grad, I would have laughed out loud--hard--if anyone had told me that at age 23, I would be a journalist working in TV news, still living at home, still completely single, attending a different church from the rest of my family, with pretty much a completely new set of friends.

But all of those things have happened and I can't imagine my life any differently than it is now. I am very happy with where God has me.

It's been quite a journey to reach this point, but life is and should be an adventure with God. Yes, there were many uncertainities along the way that drove me absolutely crazy, and to be perfectly honest, there still are. I'm still not exactly sure why God has me where I am. But isn't that what faith is all about? Trusting when we can't see? :) I don't think anyone would dispute the fact that there will always be uncertainties as long as we're here on this Earth. But what is and always will be certain is the fact that I can rest in the joy and peace of mind that comes from knowing that I am where I am supposed to be, and that God is in control and he has a plan in mind, even if I can't see the big picture. I just have to trust Him. Easier said than done in most situations, but true nonetheless. :)

I know several graduating seniors this year and as I watch some of them stress out over deciding what to do with their lives, I can't help but smile. I remember those frustrations vividly. And if I could offer one piece of advice to them, it would be this:

Yes, you should definitely have a goal for the future in mind. Seek God intensely about what he would have you do with your life, then start walking in it. Don't waste any time in living out his plans and purposes for you. BUT... be ready for those plans to look different than what you expect. And know that is a good thing. God knows us better than we know ourselves and his plans are always for our good. What he has in mind for you will be far better than anything you could plan or work out for yourself. He is ALWAYS faithful. Follow God's leading for the next step, even if the steps beyond that aren't clear. He will see you through to the end and meet your every need, even when everything in this world would try to say otherwise. Go be a shining light for Jesus and win others for His kingdom!

My prayer is that when these seniors look back on this season five years from now, that they will have countless testimonies to share of God's faithfulness and goodness at work in and through their lives as they follow his direction.

It's amazing what can happen in five years. I can't wait to see what God has in store for the next five!

Graduation Day, May 28, 2005

He was pierced for our transgressions

In my quiet time today, I took some time to reflect on Christ's death on the Cross and his resurrection. Easter is only three days away, and I enjoy taking time to revisit the events of the most pivotal moment in history in the days leading up to Resurrection Sunday. The Cross is something we should be mindful of all the time, but there is something special about reflecting on Christ's incredible sacrifice in the week leading up to Easter.

Part of my meditation on Christ's death always includes the eyewitness accounts of the event written in the Gospels, but I also enjoy reading Isaiah's completely accurate prophetic account of Christ's life, death and resurrection as noted in Isaiah 53--hundreds of years before any of it came to pass.

As I re-read the familiar passages and pondered Christ's incredible sacrifice once again, tears of gratitude welled up in my eyes. Jesus, the only truly innocent person to ever walk the earth, took on the sins of every person who has ever lived or ever will--and didn't even so much as utter one word in his own defense. He died a cruel, excruciatingly painful death on the Cross for me. And for you. He took on the punishment we deserved--death--so that we wouldn't have to endure it.

And the best part--the Cross wasn't the end of the story! Christ rose again on the third day and descended into heaven 40 days later to prepare for his still-to-come triumphant return to earth. And through his sacrifice, we are completely redeemed and justified through God's grace. Praise the Lord!

Isaiah 53

¹Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
²He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
³He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
⁴Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitted by him and afflicted.
⁵But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.
⁶We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
⁷He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.
⁸By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was stricken.
⁹He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth.
¹⁰Yet it was the Lord's will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
¹¹After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied; by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities.
¹²Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."

Lovely day, lovelier bride :)

On Saturday, March 20 one of my dearest friends was married to her Prince Charming. The very skies seemed to smile their approval of the joyous occasion. It was a perfectly glorious day--sunny and 70 degrees with a slight breeze--on the first day of spring. The kind of day you simply want to step outside, stretch out your arms and inhale deeply. And maybe spin around in circles, soaking in the delightful early spring sunlight. Given how entirely unpredictable spring is in East Tennessee--especially early spring--I have no doubt our Father hand picked the weather just for Sarah (and Jonathan). It was perfect. :)



It has been a joy to watch their love story come together over the past year and it was truly a pleasure to watch the culmination of that as the two became one. I know God has great plans for them--as individuals, yes, but also as a couple. And I can't wait to see how he uses them together! I felt the presence of God strongly throughout that entire day. There was truly a tangible joy and peace present in every element of the day. I know that God was looking down from heaven, smiling.



And I have to say, Harvest receptions are the best I've ever attended. They are so much fun! My friend Wendy does such a great job of coordinating the refreshments! I've been to weddings before that featured catered meals or buffets at the reception, and if you can afford that, that's fine. The food is great and I'm sure it is much easier to handle. But honestly, I think it is more fun to pitch in and throw a reception as a church. I love to bake, so preparing baked goods for the reception is a joy to me. And I like feeling like I'm helping my friends achieve the special day of their dreams.






The entertainment also is great. The dancing is fun to watch and participate in (even if I'm not the greatest dancer). Some people at Harvest can really bust a move!




It truly was a God-kissed day. I know that God has great things planned for Jonathan and Sarah and I can't wait to see what he will do in and through them in this next chapter of their lives!

True beauty

I found this quote in a book I'm reading and it is simply too good not to pass along.

"How beautiful are the arms which have embraced Christ, the hands which have touched Christ, the eyes which have gazed upon Christ, the lips which have spoken with Christ, the feet which have followed Christ. How beautiful are the hands which have worked the works of Christ, the feet which treading in His footsteps have gone about doing good, the lips which have spread abroad His Name, the lives which have been counted loss for Him."

- Christina Rossetti

In a world full of false beauty ideals that many women blindly try to achieve, these are the "beauty routines" we should desire and implement in our lives!

Winter doesn't last forever (thank God!)

It snowed in Knoxville yesterday. Again. In early March. And while I still find the fluffy white stuff pretty, I am officially over it and have been for a few weeks now.

I have to confess that I am not a big fan of winter after the holidays. I love, love, LOVE Christmas and enjoy all the lovely wintry elements associated with it. And I even enjoy the first couple of snowfalls (as long as they don't make my job drastically more stressful). But after New Year's, winter gets old pretty quickly.

January is "the Great Letdown" month in my mind. I'm coming off a big "high"--if you will--after the holidays and after the first couple of weeks winter begins to lose its charm. February is then the month of being "in the bleak midwinter." The second month of the year is generally still cold (although not nearly as cold as this one was--February 2010 was the 11th coldest February on record in Knoxville), but I'm ready for spring. And it never seems to be in any hurry to get here at that point.

February also is usually the point during the winter months where I have to ask the Lord for help to avoid "the winter blahs." Weeks of dreary, cold weather eventually starts to get to me and almost always has. This year's cold winter has made staying cheerful and avoiding a semi-depressed state even harder.

I really am trying to find ways to stay upbeat about winter. So lest you believe this blog post is all whining, I'll share a list I recently made of the things I like about winter. It may be short, but here it is in no particular order:

• No mosquitoes, bees, wasps or other pesky bugs to annoy me or make my life miserable


• Snuggling up under a blanket near the fireplace and enjoying the occasional cup of hot cocoa
• the Winter Olympics (every four years)


• The beauty of snowfall (even if it makes my life crazier at work, I do find the snow and ice pretty)

Winter also is beneficial to nature and the lovely flowers I enjoy so much in the warmer months:

• Winter allows trees and other plants to take a break from producing leaves and flowers and focus on resting and deepening their roots


• Snow, particularly if it sits on the ground for a few days, really adds lots of extra moisture to the earth (although that's more of a problem than a benefit this year coming on the tail end of last year's crazy surplus of rainfall!)


• A really cold winter, such as the one we're experiencing, tends to kill off more pesky bugs than normal, leaving less of them to annoy me during the summer :)

In another recent effort to shed myself of the winter blues, I bought a lovely African violet and placed it on my desk at work. :) Its pretty purple blossoms have succeeded in bringing numerous smiles to my face. (My next mission: keep it alive. I don't have the greatest track record with sustaining little potted plants like African violets long term. Hopefully I can manage not to accidentally kill it this time.)

And if those positives aren't enough to cheer me up on a cold, overcast winter day, I remind myself that God made winter just like he made spring and fall, and everything he created is good.

"It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter." - Psalm 74:17

But with March comes the hope of spring. And after growing up in East Tennessee, I know I can rest assured that even if it snowed on March 2nd, by March 31st it will surely be getting warmer around here and we will probably have enjoyed at least a few mild and pleasant days.

The anticipation of spring after the long winter months is one of the many reasons why I like the season so much. I appreciate the warmth and beauty more after coming out of months of chilly gray and the world simply feels like a happier place. There are many other reasons I like spring, but I'll probably save those for a jubilant "spring is here" blog post celebrating the first warm stretch we have in late-March/early April. :)

But for now, I'll simply keep reminding myself that winter isn't really that bad--and better yet, like everything else in life, it is only temporary. Spring really is right around the corner. :)

"To everything there is a season; a time for every purpose under heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

I love Christmas. And not just a little --a lot! And one of the many things I enjoy about the holiday is the decorations. The world is simply more beautiful this time of year. The wreaths, garland, lights, holly, reds, greens, etc. that pop up everywhere put a smile on my face.

And I love adding touches of Christmas beauty or fun to my surroundings wherever possible (in tasteful moderation, of course) and soaking up those others have placed in my path. I don't have a lot of space or resources to indulge in as much Christmas decor as I would like, but I work with what I have and dream of having an apartment or home of my own to decorate someday. :)

So here's a sneak peek at some of the Christmas delights in my world.

My snowman tea light candle holder

My slightly cluttered bookshelf, aka holder of most of the Christmas decorations I put out in my room

My grandmother gave me this Christmas tree when I was a little girl. I can't remember exactly how old I was, but I've probably had it about 15 years. I'll treasure it always.

A reminder of Christmases past... and yes, despite the fact that I worked at Chick-fil-A for five years, I still think the holiday cows are cute.

Photo of friends... and yet another Christmas candle (can you tell that I love candles, but don't have many places to put them lol)

I hang lights around my walls each Christmas, although this year I'm seriously considering leaving them up. I like the extra light they add.

Our Christmas tree--the picture doesn't do it justice :)

Our tree tells the story of our family. In addition to the ornaments my siblings and I made as kids, we add a new ornament to the tree annually that symbolizes something significant to our family from that year. This ornament is from 2005, the year I graduated high school.

A picture of my MeMaw (my mom's mom), our ornament for 2000, the year she died.

A Kansas ornament for 2007, the year my brother Andrew moved to Kansas City, Mo. (Yeah, he's really in Missouri, but we decided it was close enough.)

I've admired this ornament since I was a little girl. It doesn't have any particular significance, but I like the way the "stained glass" lights up when you stick a Christmas light inside the church.

We have too many "kid-crafted" ornaments to fit on the tree, so my mom rotates them out. This year, a stocking ornament with my five-year-old fingerprints is one of the few that made it to the branches. My brother has one like it, but I think he has it with him. We made them (or more accurately, stamped them) at the Fantasy of Trees.

A nice reminder :)

I've started my own "ornament of the year" collection and I was tickled pink to find this one. I thought I would end up having to pick either a UT or a graduation ornament, but this one combines both perfectly! :)

My car's Rudolph costume. Okay, I'll admit it, this may be a little over the top, but I thought it was simply too cute to pass up. I first saw this on a car a couple of years ago, and I've been searching for my own set ever since. I finally tracked one down this year and I was so excited!

My desk at work

Pictures of friends and family

My miniature Christmas tree

A couple of the directors decked the walls of the production booth with Christmas lights and I love it! They add a very cheery, festive touch to the booth.

The producer's area

And finally, I don't own this Willow Tree nativity set, but I dream of having one some day!

Perfectly saved by His grace!

My pastor has been teaching on grace--the heart and message of the gospel-- for the vast majority of this year. And while some people might get tired of hearing a seemingly recurring message for several months, I haven't. The heart of those messages isn't something grasped overnight, and listening to those truths week after week has been a life changing experience. I seem to understand God's grace more and more as time moves on--and I know I have only started to scratch the surface of it!

This is going to be my first attempt to write about some of how this message has changed my life and perspective. Writing has always helped me sort things out, so this blog post is probably more for my benefit than anyone else's, but I'll post it here for general reading anyway.

I've grown up in the church and pretty much only remember serving the Lord. I was saved at the age of six and have never strayed from that commitment. Obviously, I've progressed and matured a lot in my faith as I've grown up, but one thing I have never doubted is my salvation. I know and believe with all my heart that Jesus Christ died on the Cross and rose again for my sins, so that I can spend eternity with the Father in heaven. However, I have discovered this past year that my understanding of God's grace has been skewed at best and I have been held captive in the chains of legalism for most of my life.

I knew I was saved, but I lived with the mindset, whether consciously or subconsciously, that I had to strive in my own strength to live a godly life and please God. Now I recognize that it was like I was trying to somehow claim to stay in God's good favor by being a fairly decent person. I was essentially trying to say, "God, I deserve at least some grace. Your love and mercy weren't wasted on me. See--I can be a good girl, a good daughter--at least most of the time." I tried to earn his grace, instead of accepting it as the entirely free gift it is, bestowed on a completely undeserving sinner.

Furthermore, I failed to realize that my attempts to "earn" God's favor were pretty much a slap in His face, calling the sacrifice of His son insufficient and not enough.

I knew in my head, but didn't understand with my heart, that God's work of grace on the Cross is a finished work. The Law was fulfilled and we are completely redeemed and justified by accepting God's grace through faith. We are made perfect and completely righteousness in God's eyes through the blood of His Son. No one comes to the Father except through Jesus Christ.

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast."
- Ephesians 2:5-9

As a perfectionist who has always had a drive for excellence, the idea that I could be made perfect and completely redeemed, simply by believing in Christ--no further "works" required--was hard to wrap my mind around. It's so simple, yet so unnatural. My pride didn't want to accept that I did absolutely nothing to deserve God's grace, love and forgiveness and could never earn it no matter how hard I try. Jesus did it all. I did nothing. Yet I receive everything!

I also spent a lot of time feeling guilty or under condemnation for the many, many ways I would fail regularly in my attempts to live a godly life and please God. I have always been painfully aware of my own flaws and mistakes. So while on the one hand, I was trying to earn God's favor through good behavior, on the other, I knew I didn't deserve God's favor. I had a hard time understanding God's love. Because I knew that if love could be earned, I didn't deserve it. So I often felt unloveable. How's that for a confusing mindset?!

But thanks to God's grace, I am completely covered--human flaws and all. Nothing I can do can take that away. And God is so crazy in love with me that he loved and accepted me, even when I was a despicable sinner. Now he sees me as his redeemed daughter, made holy and righteous through the blood of His Son, and still adores me. And even though I am saved by his grace--my salvation is a done deal--he still continues to lavishly pour out his grace into my life, day by day, hour by hour. How awesome is that?!?! The very thought of how much he loves me is overwhelming. We could spend a lifetime of loving God and learning to understand his love through an intimate relationship with Him and still never even scratch the surface of it.

I would be utterly lost without his love and his grace. Lost for eternity, certainly, but also lost in the chains of legalism as I try to live my life for him here on this earth. And the more I realize how much I need his grace to get through even the most mundane days, the more I realize how important it is to keep going before God to ask for His help and guidance in my life, with the assurance that he is not just willing, but eager to be all that I need.

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
- Hebrews 4:16

God wants us to turn to him with everything, instead of thinking that we can handle some of it ourselves. The truth is--and we all know this deep inside our hearts, our pride just won't let us admit it most of the time--we can't do anything on our own. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Like the old hymn says, "I need thee every hour." God is waiting for us to turn to him, and when we do, he is eager and ready to pour out his grace and help us in our need.

This concept is one I'm still trying to fully grasp and apply and I still fail continually. While I may do it more often than I used to, I still don't go to God with everything as I should or fully rely on his grace in every moment. But I no longer feel condemned when I mess up, because I know that I'm still covered by his grace, even when I fail. Blowing an opportunity to obey God, pray or witness isn't counted against me--but I do try to avoid missing the chance the next time, because I want to spend time with my Lord and I do want to tell others about Him.

There's much more I could say, and perhaps I will write more later in another post, but for now, I'll try to wrap it up. This post is long enough.

If you want to understand more about grace, I would encourage you to really dig into Galatians, Ephesians and other books in the New Testament written by the apostle Paul. He wasn't the only one to address grace, but he did it the most extensively. You can also listen to my pastor's messages at our church's web site. Another good resource is the book Grace Plus Nothing by Jeff Harkin.

And finally, some of you may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog. I named it "The Life of a Journalizm Girl" years ago as a fun play on my name and profession, but now that I'm in a different season and have a new perspective on life, it only seemed appropriate to give my blog a new outlook as well. Thus, the new name of my blog is also the title of this post: Perfectly Saved By His Grace.

Thanks for reading, and to quote the apostle Paul, grace and peace be with you!