Winter doesn't last forever (thank God!)

It snowed in Knoxville yesterday. Again. In early March. And while I still find the fluffy white stuff pretty, I am officially over it and have been for a few weeks now.

I have to confess that I am not a big fan of winter after the holidays. I love, love, LOVE Christmas and enjoy all the lovely wintry elements associated with it. And I even enjoy the first couple of snowfalls (as long as they don't make my job drastically more stressful). But after New Year's, winter gets old pretty quickly.

January is "the Great Letdown" month in my mind. I'm coming off a big "high"--if you will--after the holidays and after the first couple of weeks winter begins to lose its charm. February is then the month of being "in the bleak midwinter." The second month of the year is generally still cold (although not nearly as cold as this one was--February 2010 was the 11th coldest February on record in Knoxville), but I'm ready for spring. And it never seems to be in any hurry to get here at that point.

February also is usually the point during the winter months where I have to ask the Lord for help to avoid "the winter blahs." Weeks of dreary, cold weather eventually starts to get to me and almost always has. This year's cold winter has made staying cheerful and avoiding a semi-depressed state even harder.

I really am trying to find ways to stay upbeat about winter. So lest you believe this blog post is all whining, I'll share a list I recently made of the things I like about winter. It may be short, but here it is in no particular order:

• No mosquitoes, bees, wasps or other pesky bugs to annoy me or make my life miserable


• Snuggling up under a blanket near the fireplace and enjoying the occasional cup of hot cocoa
• the Winter Olympics (every four years)


• The beauty of snowfall (even if it makes my life crazier at work, I do find the snow and ice pretty)

Winter also is beneficial to nature and the lovely flowers I enjoy so much in the warmer months:

• Winter allows trees and other plants to take a break from producing leaves and flowers and focus on resting and deepening their roots


• Snow, particularly if it sits on the ground for a few days, really adds lots of extra moisture to the earth (although that's more of a problem than a benefit this year coming on the tail end of last year's crazy surplus of rainfall!)


• A really cold winter, such as the one we're experiencing, tends to kill off more pesky bugs than normal, leaving less of them to annoy me during the summer :)

In another recent effort to shed myself of the winter blues, I bought a lovely African violet and placed it on my desk at work. :) Its pretty purple blossoms have succeeded in bringing numerous smiles to my face. (My next mission: keep it alive. I don't have the greatest track record with sustaining little potted plants like African violets long term. Hopefully I can manage not to accidentally kill it this time.)

And if those positives aren't enough to cheer me up on a cold, overcast winter day, I remind myself that God made winter just like he made spring and fall, and everything he created is good.

"It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter." - Psalm 74:17

But with March comes the hope of spring. And after growing up in East Tennessee, I know I can rest assured that even if it snowed on March 2nd, by March 31st it will surely be getting warmer around here and we will probably have enjoyed at least a few mild and pleasant days.

The anticipation of spring after the long winter months is one of the many reasons why I like the season so much. I appreciate the warmth and beauty more after coming out of months of chilly gray and the world simply feels like a happier place. There are many other reasons I like spring, but I'll probably save those for a jubilant "spring is here" blog post celebrating the first warm stretch we have in late-March/early April. :)

But for now, I'll simply keep reminding myself that winter isn't really that bad--and better yet, like everything else in life, it is only temporary. Spring really is right around the corner. :)

"To everything there is a season; a time for every purpose under heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

I love Christmas. And not just a little --a lot! And one of the many things I enjoy about the holiday is the decorations. The world is simply more beautiful this time of year. The wreaths, garland, lights, holly, reds, greens, etc. that pop up everywhere put a smile on my face.

And I love adding touches of Christmas beauty or fun to my surroundings wherever possible (in tasteful moderation, of course) and soaking up those others have placed in my path. I don't have a lot of space or resources to indulge in as much Christmas decor as I would like, but I work with what I have and dream of having an apartment or home of my own to decorate someday. :)

So here's a sneak peek at some of the Christmas delights in my world.

My snowman tea light candle holder

My slightly cluttered bookshelf, aka holder of most of the Christmas decorations I put out in my room

My grandmother gave me this Christmas tree when I was a little girl. I can't remember exactly how old I was, but I've probably had it about 15 years. I'll treasure it always.

A reminder of Christmases past... and yes, despite the fact that I worked at Chick-fil-A for five years, I still think the holiday cows are cute.

Photo of friends... and yet another Christmas candle (can you tell that I love candles, but don't have many places to put them lol)

I hang lights around my walls each Christmas, although this year I'm seriously considering leaving them up. I like the extra light they add.

Our Christmas tree--the picture doesn't do it justice :)

Our tree tells the story of our family. In addition to the ornaments my siblings and I made as kids, we add a new ornament to the tree annually that symbolizes something significant to our family from that year. This ornament is from 2005, the year I graduated high school.

A picture of my MeMaw (my mom's mom), our ornament for 2000, the year she died.

A Kansas ornament for 2007, the year my brother Andrew moved to Kansas City, Mo. (Yeah, he's really in Missouri, but we decided it was close enough.)

I've admired this ornament since I was a little girl. It doesn't have any particular significance, but I like the way the "stained glass" lights up when you stick a Christmas light inside the church.

We have too many "kid-crafted" ornaments to fit on the tree, so my mom rotates them out. This year, a stocking ornament with my five-year-old fingerprints is one of the few that made it to the branches. My brother has one like it, but I think he has it with him. We made them (or more accurately, stamped them) at the Fantasy of Trees.

A nice reminder :)

I've started my own "ornament of the year" collection and I was tickled pink to find this one. I thought I would end up having to pick either a UT or a graduation ornament, but this one combines both perfectly! :)

My car's Rudolph costume. Okay, I'll admit it, this may be a little over the top, but I thought it was simply too cute to pass up. I first saw this on a car a couple of years ago, and I've been searching for my own set ever since. I finally tracked one down this year and I was so excited!

My desk at work

Pictures of friends and family

My miniature Christmas tree

A couple of the directors decked the walls of the production booth with Christmas lights and I love it! They add a very cheery, festive touch to the booth.

The producer's area

And finally, I don't own this Willow Tree nativity set, but I dream of having one some day!

Perfectly saved by His grace!

My pastor has been teaching on grace--the heart and message of the gospel-- for the vast majority of this year. And while some people might get tired of hearing a seemingly recurring message for several months, I haven't. The heart of those messages isn't something grasped overnight, and listening to those truths week after week has been a life changing experience. I seem to understand God's grace more and more as time moves on--and I know I have only started to scratch the surface of it!

This is going to be my first attempt to write about some of how this message has changed my life and perspective. Writing has always helped me sort things out, so this blog post is probably more for my benefit than anyone else's, but I'll post it here for general reading anyway.

I've grown up in the church and pretty much only remember serving the Lord. I was saved at the age of six and have never strayed from that commitment. Obviously, I've progressed and matured a lot in my faith as I've grown up, but one thing I have never doubted is my salvation. I know and believe with all my heart that Jesus Christ died on the Cross and rose again for my sins, so that I can spend eternity with the Father in heaven. However, I have discovered this past year that my understanding of God's grace has been skewed at best and I have been held captive in the chains of legalism for most of my life.

I knew I was saved, but I lived with the mindset, whether consciously or subconsciously, that I had to strive in my own strength to live a godly life and please God. Now I recognize that it was like I was trying to somehow claim to stay in God's good favor by being a fairly decent person. I was essentially trying to say, "God, I deserve at least some grace. Your love and mercy weren't wasted on me. See--I can be a good girl, a good daughter--at least most of the time." I tried to earn his grace, instead of accepting it as the entirely free gift it is, bestowed on a completely undeserving sinner.

Furthermore, I failed to realize that my attempts to "earn" God's favor were pretty much a slap in His face, calling the sacrifice of His son insufficient and not enough.

I knew in my head, but didn't understand with my heart, that God's work of grace on the Cross is a finished work. The Law was fulfilled and we are completely redeemed and justified by accepting God's grace through faith. We are made perfect and completely righteousness in God's eyes through the blood of His Son. No one comes to the Father except through Jesus Christ.

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast."
- Ephesians 2:5-9

As a perfectionist who has always had a drive for excellence, the idea that I could be made perfect and completely redeemed, simply by believing in Christ--no further "works" required--was hard to wrap my mind around. It's so simple, yet so unnatural. My pride didn't want to accept that I did absolutely nothing to deserve God's grace, love and forgiveness and could never earn it no matter how hard I try. Jesus did it all. I did nothing. Yet I receive everything!

I also spent a lot of time feeling guilty or under condemnation for the many, many ways I would fail regularly in my attempts to live a godly life and please God. I have always been painfully aware of my own flaws and mistakes. So while on the one hand, I was trying to earn God's favor through good behavior, on the other, I knew I didn't deserve God's favor. I had a hard time understanding God's love. Because I knew that if love could be earned, I didn't deserve it. So I often felt unloveable. How's that for a confusing mindset?!

But thanks to God's grace, I am completely covered--human flaws and all. Nothing I can do can take that away. And God is so crazy in love with me that he loved and accepted me, even when I was a despicable sinner. Now he sees me as his redeemed daughter, made holy and righteous through the blood of His Son, and still adores me. And even though I am saved by his grace--my salvation is a done deal--he still continues to lavishly pour out his grace into my life, day by day, hour by hour. How awesome is that?!?! The very thought of how much he loves me is overwhelming. We could spend a lifetime of loving God and learning to understand his love through an intimate relationship with Him and still never even scratch the surface of it.

I would be utterly lost without his love and his grace. Lost for eternity, certainly, but also lost in the chains of legalism as I try to live my life for him here on this earth. And the more I realize how much I need his grace to get through even the most mundane days, the more I realize how important it is to keep going before God to ask for His help and guidance in my life, with the assurance that he is not just willing, but eager to be all that I need.

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
- Hebrews 4:16

God wants us to turn to him with everything, instead of thinking that we can handle some of it ourselves. The truth is--and we all know this deep inside our hearts, our pride just won't let us admit it most of the time--we can't do anything on our own. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Like the old hymn says, "I need thee every hour." God is waiting for us to turn to him, and when we do, he is eager and ready to pour out his grace and help us in our need.

This concept is one I'm still trying to fully grasp and apply and I still fail continually. While I may do it more often than I used to, I still don't go to God with everything as I should or fully rely on his grace in every moment. But I no longer feel condemned when I mess up, because I know that I'm still covered by his grace, even when I fail. Blowing an opportunity to obey God, pray or witness isn't counted against me--but I do try to avoid missing the chance the next time, because I want to spend time with my Lord and I do want to tell others about Him.

There's much more I could say, and perhaps I will write more later in another post, but for now, I'll try to wrap it up. This post is long enough.

If you want to understand more about grace, I would encourage you to really dig into Galatians, Ephesians and other books in the New Testament written by the apostle Paul. He wasn't the only one to address grace, but he did it the most extensively. You can also listen to my pastor's messages at our church's web site. Another good resource is the book Grace Plus Nothing by Jeff Harkin.

And finally, some of you may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog. I named it "The Life of a Journalizm Girl" years ago as a fun play on my name and profession, but now that I'm in a different season and have a new perspective on life, it only seemed appropriate to give my blog a new outlook as well. Thus, the new name of my blog is also the title of this post: Perfectly Saved By His Grace.

Thanks for reading, and to quote the apostle Paul, grace and peace be with you!

The sign of a faithful promise

God is faithful to His promises. Every single last one of them. Totally faithful. Beyond our comprehension.

But sometimes I'm sure that you, like me, have moments where even if you know--at least in your head--that God will keep his promises, the heart needs a gentle reminder that he does.

And what better reminder than some time in the Word... and a beautiful rainbow in the sky?

"I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. ... Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind of the earth."

Genesis 9:13, 16

On Sunday night, I was relaxing at home when I heard thunder rolling in the distance. Not unusual for this time of the year. In fact, we've had many storms this summer.

But Sunday, I waited for the storm to start then ran to my room and grabbed my camera. I took several pictures out the front and back door, until it started raining so hard our gutters began to overflow and I had to close the doors to avoid flooding the house. ;)

As the rain and winds slowed down, I tried again. And I noticed that the sun didn't wait for the storm to completely finish before it came back out. It was beginning to shine brightly, even as the rain was still moving out.

And I immediately thought, "A rainbow! Maybe there will be a rainbow!" In that moment, it was almost like I suddenly *needed* to see a rainbow. Something in my spirit just responded to the desire to see a reminder of God's promise.

I searched the skies, but didn't see anything. So I went inside and waited for the rain to completely stop, so I could go outside and take some "after the storm" shots.

After a few minutes, the rain had stopped and I went to the back door again and snapped a shot off to my right. And then... as I turned to my left, there it was!

From what I understand, the rainbow was visible across several parts of West Knox County, and was even more prominent a little further west than my house. But I like to think that God put it up there, right behind my house, just for me. :)

Isn't God good? That totally made my day.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

Hebrews 10:23

"The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made."

Psalm 145:13b

A welcome sight

It came! My diploma arrived yesterday--exactly two weeks after graduation (sooner than I expected).

And after four years of working hard for that piece of paper, I must say, it looks quite beautiful! :)

Proud to be a UT grad!

I'm done! Actually, I have been for over a week, but I'm just now writing a quick little summary about it. I am officially a college grad! I graduated bright and early last Thursday (whose idea was it to hold a graduation ceremony that early--and on a weekday?) from the University of Tennessee with a Bachelor of Science degree in Communications in Journalism and Electronic Media. It was definitely one of the happiest moments of my life.

I still don't think it has fully sunk in yet, although it does feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Graduating is one of those moments that isn't measured and experienced strictly during the hour and a half ceremony or thirty seconds of walking across the stage. One of the first times I really started to realize I was really truly about to be finished, was when I walked out of my third astronomy exam two weeks before graduation. It was a difficult course and thanks to some issues with the way my instructor taught and structured the class, those last few weeks were very frustrating and stressful. But after walking out of that exam, which was much easier than I expected it to be, I knew everything was going to be okay. Since I got to drop one of my four exam grades in that class, and the rest of my final exams were going to be pretty easy, in that moment it felt like the semester might as well be over. I think I smiled, laughed, and felt like I was floating through the rest of the day!

Another notable moment came during the rehearsal meeting. I found myself wiping away happy tears on the way back to my car as I remembered the ups and downs of my college experience: My first two years at Pellissippi and earning my associate's degree. The last two years at UT. The people I've met along the way. And some of the fun and inspiring classes I've had, like American Literature II with Edward Francisco at Pellissippi. Professor Francisco is absolutely awesome. I LOVED our two big projects in that class. I still have the children's book I wrote and the outline for my research project and class presentation on Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War in East Tennessee. It's like he knew I love to write and love history and intentionally planned our class assignments around that!

And of course, I can't forget Lauren Spuhler's Online Journalism class at UT! I really believe the class was a pivotal point in my pursuit of journalism. I knew not long after beginning that course that online journalism would play some role in my future (it does). More than anything, I believe the class provided a means for me to put all the skills I had learned up to that point in print, broadcast, and online journalism to use in practical, meaningful ways--with a wonderful teacher to provide guidance and encouragement along the way. And I loved it.

Bonnie Hufford's Editing class was challenging, but inspiring. I've always loved grammar and that course called on me to use everything I already knew and pushed me to learn more. There were times I thought I could recite grammar and AP style rules in my sleep, but I loved it. And Ms. Bonnie was an awesome teacher! I think her class sealed my fate as a grammar nerd!

I also couldn't help but remember some of the lower points. Like the sheer (and self-inflicted) torture of taking economics and probability and statistics over the summer between my freshman and sophomore years. The cruel and unusual punishment of Mass Communication Law and Ethics with Dr. Teeter and Dr. Leiter as an evening class once a week for three hours. The frustration of astronomy this semester. The horror I felt when I realized the 5-credit-hour precalculus course I took my first semester didn't count toward my major (I hate math. So not only did I take a math class everyday for nothing--it also meant I had to take an additional class to satisfy my requirements! So this math-hater took three college math courses.)

And of course, other outside events tied to college, like connecting with the Harvest CCA group and eventually ending up at Harvest Church. :) I pondered all of those thoughts and more.

The past four years have been quite a journey. An adventure that has been a wonderful and fulfilling experience overall, but certainly not without its challenges. More than anything, my college experience has been a step-by-step journey of learning to trust God on a deeper level and follow his guidance--even when I only have just enough instruction to take the next step, with absolutely no idea what the big picture looks like. *laughter* As a matter of fact, I'm not sure I ever had a glimpse of the big picture. I still don't know exactly why God has me doing this, I just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what I'm supposed to do in this season of my life.

I'm very much a planner who likes to have all my ducks in a row, so at times the "not knowing" aspect of the journey felt like it was going to kill me. But God was there with me every step of the way--guiding my steps, calming my fears, putting up with my whining, and reassuring me that he loves me and has a plan for my life. And God has faithfully kept his promises.

I love, love, love learning. So even if school drove me crazy at times, I enjoyed the majority of it and thrived in the academic atmosphere. However, I have been very ready for quite some time to embark on a lifetime of learning outside of the confines of an institution. I was definitely happy to graduate! Even though I'm done with school, I will always be learning something new, whether I'm reading a book, learning a new hobby, etc. The day I stop learning is the day they bury me in the ground!

But all in all, I'm overwhelmed at God's grace and goodness. His grace has been more than enough and he has blessed me far more than I deserve. And I am so thankful!

I also want to take a moment to thank each of you who have supported me, put up with me, prayed for me and encouraged me through this journey. I couldn't have made it without you guys. Love you!

I'm back!

Wow! It's embarrassing to me how long it's been since I wrote a blog post! And I'm honestly not really sure why I haven't written. Yes, I've been busy, but not necessarily any busier than I was last semester. This has just been a very different season. I tried to blog occasionally, but when I would sit down and look at my computer screen, my mind would go blank and I just wouldn't "feel it." A great deal of that could relate to where I was emotionally for a while. I'm not sure what happened, but at some point after the new year (and maybe a little before), I found myself feeling really down. Consequently, I walked around for months with a semi-depressed, indifferent attitude in many areas of my life.

It often felt weird to me to feel that way. School and work were going well. I genuinely enjoy my job and I'm very blessed to have it, and it's my last semester of school. So why wasn't I more excited and happy? As a matter of fact, if anyone had asked me about it, I probably would have either denied that I was feeling down or at least downplayed how I really felt. It just didn't seem right to me that I should be feeling that way.

This has just been a very different chapter in my life. The season I've been in has required me to work a different kind of schedule, going to school full-time is crazy as always, and as a result, I've had an almost nonexistent social life and have been able to spend precious little time with my close friends and family. Over time, that really began to wear on me. I missed the interaction and fellowship more than words can express, and the feeling of disconnection that comes with being away for a while often hurt me to my core.

But...I'm bouncing back. :) For the past month or so, especially over the past couple of weeks, I can feel my joy returning. :)

One example is in the area of school. "Senioritis" hit me much harder than I thought it would this semester. Before spring break, I really struggled to stay motivated to do my school work. And coming from someone who used to spend her breaks trying to get ahead in school work (early in my college days--I have since reformed and taken on the normal student's abhorrence of even looking at a textbook while on break), that's saying a lot. Knowing this, I expected to come back from spring break to spend the remaining six weeks or so agonizing through the rest of the semester. Instead, I've returned with a renewed zeal to hit the books hard, enjoy it, and finish out stronger than ever. What?!?! Where did that come from?? I've been pleasantly surprised by my new attitude and thankful for God's grace and faithfulness to help me finish strong.

An even better example is my recent big news. I will move into a full-time producer position at work at the end of April! I'll have a full-time job--doing what I want to do--in this tough job market--before I graduate!!! Now this really is a testimony to the grace of God! As much as every graduating senior wants things to happen like that, it wasn't supposed to work out that way for me. I was mentally prepared to have to stay part-time for an undetermined amount of time. But a sudden change in circumstances allowed the situation to work out even better than I had dared to hope. God is SOOOOO good!

This new opportunity will also allow me to attend church on Sunday mornings on a somewhat regular basis. Yay! I seriously can't wait. I'm not so naive that I don't realize that my new schedule won't be easy and will still make for a challenging social life. I'm also well aware that there is certainly nothing glamorous about working overnight and super-early shifts, but I'm excited nonetheless. This is an incredible opportunity and I'm praying that God will help me to do well as I move forward. God clearly has me where I am for a reason (which only he knows), and whatever it is he has for me, I want to do it and do it well.

I also realize that although the past four years have often been challenging, I've been crazy blessed when it comes to school. God's met me every step of the way, provided for my needs, and allowed me to do well--much better than I deserve. Seeing the culmination of all that as I prepare to close this chapter in my life is almost overwhelming. As I look back over the past four years, I stand in awe of what God has done in my life. Yes, I've worked hard, but my college experience is certainly not the fruit of my efforts, but rather God's on my behalf!

So even though this season is still different and the one ahead will be too, particularly as I begin to focus on working toward moving out and beginning life on my own as an adult, I'm happy, excited, thankful, and joyous anyway. I can't wait to see what the next chapter of my life will hold. God is good, his grace is more than enough, and his faithfulness is never-ending. We serve an awesome, awesome God!