Wow! It's embarrassing to me how long it's been since I wrote a blog post! And I'm honestly not really sure why I haven't written. Yes, I've been busy, but not necessarily any busier than I was last semester. This has just been a very different season. I tried to blog occasionally, but when I would sit down and look at my computer screen, my mind would go blank and I just wouldn't "feel it." A great deal of that could relate to where I was emotionally for a while. I'm not sure what happened, but at some point after the new year (and maybe a little before), I found myself feeling really down. Consequently, I walked around for months with a semi-depressed, indifferent attitude in many areas of my life.
It often felt weird to me to feel that way. School and work were going well. I genuinely enjoy my job and I'm very blessed to have it, and it's my last semester of school. So why wasn't I more excited and happy? As a matter of fact, if anyone had asked me about it, I probably would have either denied that I was feeling down or at least downplayed how I really felt. It just didn't seem right to me that I should be feeling that way.
This has just been a very different chapter in my life. The season I've been in has required me to work a different kind of schedule, going to school full-time is crazy as always, and as a result, I've had an almost nonexistent social life and have been able to spend precious little time with my close friends and family. Over time, that really began to wear on me. I missed the interaction and fellowship more than words can express, and the feeling of disconnection that comes with being away for a while often hurt me to my core.
But...I'm bouncing back. :) For the past month or so, especially over the past couple of weeks, I can feel my joy returning. :)
One example is in the area of school. "Senioritis" hit me much harder than I thought it would this semester. Before spring break, I really struggled to stay motivated to do my school work. And coming from someone who used to spend her breaks trying to get ahead in school work (early in my college days--I have since reformed and taken on the normal student's abhorrence of even looking at a textbook while on break), that's saying a lot. Knowing this, I expected to come back from spring break to spend the remaining six weeks or so agonizing through the rest of the semester. Instead, I've returned with a renewed zeal to hit the books hard, enjoy it, and finish out stronger than ever. What?!?! Where did that come from?? I've been pleasantly surprised by my new attitude and thankful for God's grace and faithfulness to help me finish strong.
An even better example is my recent big news. I will move into a full-time producer position at work at the end of April! I'll have a full-time job--doing what I want to do--in this tough job market--before I graduate!!! Now this really is a testimony to the grace of God! As much as every graduating senior wants things to happen like that, it wasn't supposed to work out that way for me. I was mentally prepared to have to stay part-time for an undetermined amount of time. But a sudden change in circumstances allowed the situation to work out even better than I had dared to hope. God is SOOOOO good!
This new opportunity will also allow me to attend church on Sunday mornings on a somewhat regular basis. Yay! I seriously can't wait. I'm not so naive that I don't realize that my new schedule won't be easy and will still make for a challenging social life. I'm also well aware that there is certainly nothing glamorous about working overnight and super-early shifts, but I'm excited nonetheless. This is an incredible opportunity and I'm praying that God will help me to do well as I move forward. God clearly has me where I am for a reason (which only he knows), and whatever it is he has for me, I want to do it and do it well.
I also realize that although the past four years have often been challenging, I've been crazy blessed when it comes to school. God's met me every step of the way, provided for my needs, and allowed me to do well--much better than I deserve. Seeing the culmination of all that as I prepare to close this chapter in my life is almost overwhelming. As I look back over the past four years, I stand in awe of what God has done in my life. Yes, I've worked hard, but my college experience is certainly not the fruit of my efforts, but rather God's on my behalf!
So even though this season is still different and the one ahead will be too, particularly as I begin to focus on working toward moving out and beginning life on my own as an adult, I'm happy, excited, thankful, and joyous anyway. I can't wait to see what the next chapter of my life will hold. God is good, his grace is more than enough, and his faithfulness is never-ending. We serve an awesome, awesome God!
