I'm glad that God is God...

...and I'm not!


I realize that the simple truth that I'm not God should be an indubitable fact of life, but...sometimes I act like I am.

I try to tell God what he needs to do in my life and when, how he needs to work in different situations, and essentially try to put God into a box and force him to work in my life on my terms.

Heaven help me. Thank the Lord that when I slip into that mindset, God, being the sovereign being that he is, gently or firmly (whatever the situation calls for) reminds me that he's God and I'm not.

It certainly doesn't help that I've always been a bit of a control freak. I like to know what's going on and have a grip on what's going on in my life. And as those who have known me for a decent amount of time can testify, whenever I'm put in situations that are entirely beyond my control, I don't like it at all. So often times, living a life of faith, especially when I have no idea what's around the next bend, is incredibly difficult for me. When it seems like God isn't doing anything, or isn't working fast enough to satisfy me, I have this tendency to try to take over.

I'm also a planner. I'm constantly thinking ahead to the next thing in my life, trying to prepare for it. That's actually rather amusing, because nothing ever really happens like I think it should (God, through his grace and mercy, does things so much better!). You'd think I would learn...

I could try to blame my doubt and lack of total surrender on being a control freak and say, "Well that's just the way you made me God." But that's no excuse. Following God requires total surrender--not partial surrender whenever it's most convenient for me. God calls me to trust him to work in my life. Who am I to doubt that the omnipotent, omniscient God, Creator of all things, knows exactly what I need and when I need it?

I'm also thankful for God's patience. Yesterday, I had another of several conversations with God lately that have consisted of *guilty look* a good bit of whining mixed in with other bits of conversation. And with each cry of my heart, God has gently reminded me to simply trust Him. That's much better than I would have done at this point. I think that by now, if I was God and I was having to deal with someone like me, I would have hit him or her over the head with something hard and yelled, "Would you just shut up and trust me!"

Now that's not to say that I don't need to be put in my place from time to time--and God has done that when I've needed it. Usually a Job-style "where were you when I created the earth?" type of reminder works quite well. ;)

But yesterday I was glad that instead of a firm reminder that God is sovereign and I'm nothing, God chose to speak to me with gentle, comforting reminders to simply trust Him--even when having faith in Him seems totally irrational. He knew that's what I needed.

I needed to hear his whispered reassurances of love and promises of faithfulness as I rested in his embrace.

I'm glad that God is God and that he knows far better than I how to write the story of my life.